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Hope Lives Here

Updated: Mar 4, 2023

Some mornings I wake up and I just sit down trying to figure out where to even go in my quiet time. Some days there are so many things I could say that I don’t even know what to say. Some days I feel so overwhelmed with emotion that it seems impossible to start anywhere. Some days I feel completely empty and am just like ok God if you have something to say I’m here. Everyday is different. While I would love for each day to feel like a complete downpour of God speaking and me leaving completely refreshed and ready to take on the day that’s just not realistic, for any relationship really.

But, God still provides.

At the beginning of 2020

I was separated from my husband, pretty sure we were heading for divorce, living alone in the house that we’d bought and honestly just doing what I could one day at a time. Trying to figure out if I wanted to fight for this thing or if I was done. Have I truly given my all or is there more I can do? What’s the impact of this on my relationship with God? Is there any coming back from divorce spiritually? Okay, God just tell me what to do and I’ll buckle down for whatever path that leads down (acknowledging that no path would be easy).

What I learned in this season is that as opposed to God wanting to tell me what to do he wanted to show me who he was.

And then came hope.

Courtney is one my bestest (is that a word?) friends. We met in 2014/2015 shortly after I joined my church. She was coming out to church as well, studying the Bible, and navigating her own walk with God. The earliest memory I have of our friendship beginning was a conversation while leaving a baptism one Wednesday evening after a midweek service. She was frustrated with some things she was dealing with in her own Bible studies and just wanting to get to the finish line. She vented. I empathized, having just been recently baptized myself and understanding the wrestle that ensues when you’re truly making an attempt to be completely upright before God. The rest is history.

From great conversations, unending laughter, road trips and trips abroad, tears shed, venting, late night calls popping off because I’m upset, her “best fran, what you doing” texts, meals shared, dating, engaged, standing next to one another in each other’s weddings, navigating all of life’s seasons, a baby being born, and now being roommates.

God has a way of giving you what you need when you don’t even realize you need it.

Deonte, Courtney, and Carter Hope moved in with me at the beginning of March. At the time as we discussed the living arrangements it was a matter of convenience for them and an opportunity to be giving for me. Little did I know just how God was going to use this to encourage my soul. Little did I know that COVID-19 was about to hit, I would then be working from home, and all alone during the roughest season of my life.

But hope moved in. Literally! THE HOPES MOVED IN!!!!!!

Now my house is filled new memories. Laughter. Conversation. Meals. Carter. All the family vibes. Not only do I get to do this season with my best friend right by my side but I also get to see a marriage right before my eyes and have a reminder of the possibilities for my future. I’ve desired to have a lively household. I grew up with a big family and holidays were never quiet. I cherish the memories of the chatter you could hear coming from the house as soon as you pull into the driveway, seeing the cars outside so anticipating who is inside, the distinct laughter of certain people, asking when a certain person I wanted to see would be arriving, asking my grandma if she made greens, and just all the vibes. When my mom last visited me in Richmond I told her I wanted that. “I just want this huge house so I can move people in with me and we just do life together.” My mom reminded me of those words when the opportunity for Courtney and Deonte to move in came up and I said, “God, you are so funny.”

It’s so cool to see how God fulfills the desires of our heart even in the midst of less than ideal circumstances. Here I am thinking that I am in one of the roughest seasons of my life and God turns it into an opportunity for me to be fulfilled in a way I’ve longed for. It didn’t look like the picture that I’d painted in my mind. I am hopeful that one day it will, but right now I am grateful for being tested in a little.

So that’s the tea folks!

11 I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12 I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13 I can do all this through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:11-13 NIV

No matter the situation. No matter the circumstance. No matter the outlook. There is hope. Take it from me.

Until next time… Be Radical!

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